A Trip to the Appraiser

Yesterday, I took some rings that we inherited to be appraised. The woman was totally official. She measured every part of each ring, the stones the gold band, she weighted them, she looked at them under fluorescent light. She even looked at them under a high powered microscope. Although each ring turned out to be worth more than I thought they would, on one in particular she made a very definitive statement. While looking at it under the microscope, she said "you have absolutely NO antique value". She even repeated the statement. "You have absolutely NO antique value." I felt a little ashamed and humiliated even though i knew she was just talking about the ring. But something in her statement and tone resonated in my heart. i felt like she was talking to me! Am I like Nebuchadnezzar who was weighted in the balance and was found wanting? It was like God was speaking to me as I sat next to the appraiser hearing words that often echo in my soul, uncovering a struggle I have to bring the reality of God's love for me from an intellectual understanding into all my thinking and being. I think this is learning to drink the cup of salvation that is mentioned in Psalms. I will post post more later as some really great thing s have happened lately but I needed to get this o my chest.

Birthday Fun

Last night Mike, Michael and I met my Dad and Mickey (my stepmother of 30plus years) at a steak house called "Linda's La Cantina" to celebrate our birthdays. I had not given Dad his birthday present, his BD was march 15. they had not given me mine either,my birthday was march 28, so we decided to have this late celebration. Actually, Michael got his BD present from them too, so it was a triple birthday! We all got steaks and they were terrific. Mike's was 16 oz and Michael's was 18 oz! The rest of us had a more reasonable 8 oz. We gave Dad a bottle of good wine and the new James Bond movie. (He took me to the first one which was (unintentionally) my intro to the subject of sex.) For some reason, going to Bond movies was one of the few things my family did together. I remember all the men would race their cars engines and make the wheels squeal as they left the parking lot. Dad is 87 and is losing his mental function. He can get around slowly with a walker but is very hunched over and always in pain. He had a stroke about 5 years ago which made him unable to write and began the process of losing his ability to speak. It makes it very hard to have a conversation as he is also hard of hearing. We end up talking to Mickey, but he wants to be included and he will say "HEY!" if you don't include him. I think that shows he is still there and needs people.

It was good to go to something different than the chain restaurants that are on this side of town (although I wouldn't complain about going to any of them!). Michael and I got a little cash for our presents and I got a silver bracelet that is beautiful. We topped off the evening with a quick trip to Sci-fi City to get comic books.

My Right Foot at the Beach

Last friday Mike and I went to Cocoa Beach. I took my brace with me so I could get all my stretching in. I liked the change of scenery. It was beautiful until about 2:00 when it clouded over, so we went home as Mike had to leave at 3:00 anyway. The water was very cold but we hadn't planned on going in. I would have published earlier but as I said, the camera was broken and I just had to have a picture to show you!

Raptors in my yard

The past two days we have had Raptors in our yard! they are not really Raptors, they are sand hill cranes, but they make a sound like the Raptors in Jurassic Park. So all morning long I hear these cranes as if they are just outside my bedroom and.... they are! I got my camera and took a few pictures. They didn't seem too scared of me. On Tues. there were two babies with the Mom and Dad. Anyway, one of the pleasures of living in Fla on a beautiful April morning. I wrote this on Apr. 25 but I have had trouble with uploading pics from the camera so it is fixed and I am publishing now.

great tip

For all the homemakers out there. I saw this great idea on HGTV. when you need to clean lint or such off upholstered furniture, use a lint roller you usually use on clothes. I even used it to pick up some little bits of junk on the carpet! pretty cool!

today

I feel better today.

I guess I'm losing it

I know I feel this way because I am frustrated about my foot. I can't walk at all without pain and without intense pain if I am on my feet for 2 hours. Since I need to be in my brace for 6 hours each day (nonconsecutive but in a seated or reclining positiion)I have become bored with the things that have kept me occupied.
The other thing is that I don't really want everything be the same as it has been when I'm back to normal. I know it is just my nature, but it seeems I have been always in a hurry, always multi-tasking and always working in one form or another. I feel so internally driven, and no matter what I do it is never good enough. If you know me, you know these are chronic tendencies I have had most of my adult life. With the nursing job and then my feet hurting all the time I just had to stop for a while. I was working the 3 days then exercising 3 days on my days off ( I want to stay fit at least for the health benefits and to keep from gaining more of that middle aged tummy but it was killing me to keep up)i've been feeling like I was trying to make bricks with no straw (that was Mike's analysis of the situation). I really wanted to be a nurse but there is so much pressure and stress involved working on a hospital floor
I have enjoyed not being under so much pressure the past few weeks. However,when I am home a lot, I often revert to thinking about decorating the house and about how I look. I don't believe these are bad in themselves if in moderation but I believe theswe areas can become almost OCDish for me. I get fixated on some thing and I almost have to get it finished or figured out before I can stop either doing something about it( even if my foot is killing me) or thinking about it. And aboutmy looks, I start the day feeling OK about myself but then if I go to a store and look in a mirror I hate what I see.
It happened today. What am I supposed to be to be good enough? people tell me I'm cute and small but I feel so dumpy and stupid for not being able to look better. Where are Stacy and Clinton when you need them?
.
You might think I haven't been seeing enough people but actually I've been seeing lots of people I haven't been able to when working. Actually, many parts of being laid low have been just what I needed. I just need to figure out how to do things differently when it all cranks up again. It has just been 2 frustrating days. I do better with structured time so working is good for me on that note.
These felings I've had make me think of the people who have been my patients with very serious injuries and how they must feel at times. also i have found out the percocet is better than vicodin for paon! Maybe I will be a better nurse when i do go back.

So there's my junk, I feel better now. Thank God we have a savior!!.